


Ardour

by Stars_dreaming



Category: tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Bisexuality, Eating Disorders, F/M, Female Reader, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-09 14:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17408432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stars_dreaming/pseuds/Stars_dreaming
Summary: You got the role of a lifetime, playing the daughter of Anthony Stark in the Avengers movies. Celebrity life comes with a lot of nice things, but also some not-nice things.Warning!!: mentions of self-harm, suicide and eating-disorders





	1. 0.1

**Author's Note:**

> You will be referenced as a 'her' and a 'she' when others speak of you. If you are not a female, and you do wish to read this, then my sincere apologies for using only the female adverbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none

It was always weird to get back into routine after months of filming. You felt a little lost, if you were being honest.

When you arrived in London with Benedict and Tom, your first emotion was sadness, because both men were welcomed by their families, and yours wasn’t there. But it was not intentional. Your father was still working on a movie in Hollywood, and your mother and brother were out of town for some modelling gigs – they would all be back before October, however.

When Tom’s mother offered to drive you home, you were more than pleased, and you let her drive you to the small, cosy house you called home. “You have a lovely house,” Tom commented as he helped unload your suitcase from the car. You smiled at him, taking the suitcase and hoisting your bag further up your shoulder. “Thank you. And thank your mother for bringing me home.”

You didn’t notice his gaze on you as you walked away, or the way he bit his lip as he cursed himself silently for chickening out – again. He wanted to ask you out so badly, but he just couldn’t. He was too scared you would reject him. You barely even knew him! You had only seen him a few times on set, since most scenes you shot were not together with him, and during the premiere, you had been seated in between Chris Evans and Elizabeth Olsen, so he had had no chance to talk to you.

“I’m home!” You sang as you opened the door, and you were greeted by soft barks and meows. Chuckling, you dropped your bag in the hallway, and entered the living room. Your black cat, whom you had named Loki, and your tabby cat – whom you had named Thor – were lying on the couch lazily, jumping up when you entered.

The two dogs – Pietro and Wanda – barked happily as they ran up to you, bouncing on your legs and almost pushing you on the floor. You laughed. This was a very nice welcome.

 

“Just… Walk the dog, alright?” Your mother sighed. You rolled your eyes, but she couldn’t see that through the phone. “Last time,” was all you said before hanging up, and you swung your legs over the edge of your bed, giving Loki a look. “I’m gonna go to Alec’s apartment to pick up Nat. I’ll be back.” You bowed down to give your favourite cat a kiss, but he hissed and jumped off the bed before that could happen. You chuckled. Very much Loki.

 

Natasha was Alec’s new puppy. She was the sweetest little thing, and so despite your earlier protests about ‘walking that damn dog’, it wasn’t so bad. You even took her home, because you couldn’t let her all alone in that cold apartment again.

You watched a movie that night, and ordered pizza instead of cooking a proper meal. Together with your pets, you sat on the couch. “I am so glad mum’s left some food for you guys.” You laughed, and then your eye fell on the bag with carrots. “Shit!” You cursed, and hastily put your pizza on the couch. You quickly ran upstairs, blindly searching for the animal’s room.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I forgot all about you,” you mumbled as you lifted the small brown rabbit out of his cage. He looked at you without emotion, and you pressed him to your chest. “I am so, so sorry Peter, this will never happen again, alright?”

You fell asleep with Loki and Thor curled up in your arms, Peter on the pillow next to you, and Natasha, Pietro and Wanda on the end of the bed, with their heads close to your legs.

 

* * *

 

The sunshine woke you up, and you yawned before stretching. Then, you opened your eyes and sighed.

Checking your phone, you noticed you had four missed calls from **Tom H.** You unlocked your phone and called him back.

“Hiddleston.” You greeted him sleepily, slowly getting out of bed. “Y/N?” Tom asked, and you pursed your lips as you walked into your closet. “Yeah?” “Where the fuck are you?” And then it dawned on you. “Shit!” You said out loud, and you almost dropped your phone. “That’s what I thought,” Tom said gruffly, “are you coming or what?” “Just – uhm, wait for me outside, please. I’ll be out within ten.”

 

“You look absolutely radiant,” Tom said with a smile as you stepped out, your hands tightly gripping the leashes of the three dogs. “Shut it.” You snapped at him, and you pushed Pietro’s leash in his hands.

“How was filming?”

“It was tiring. But the premiere was good.”

Tom smiled. “It’s good to have you back Y/N.” You grinned at him. “Yeah, not many people can hold it out so long without me. But you’re special, Tom.” He laughed, throwing his head in his neck. “I've barely slept since you were gone, thank you very much." You shot Tom a grin, and the two of you burst out laughing. 

 

You had breakfast in a small café that you forgot the name of, together with Tom. He was reading a newspaper, while you fed the dogs small pieces of meat that the staff of the restaurant had given to them. 

When you walked out of the restaurant, you noticed a few people sitting in cars with cameras. You rolled your eyes as you grabbed Nat's leash a little tighter, ensuring that the small puppy wouldn't be run over. "Damn paparazzi." Tom grumbled beside you, and you nodded in acknowledgement. 

 

You were home by twelve in the morning, and as you shut the door behind you, you could hear soft voices coming out of the living room. "I'm back!" You yelled at the top of your lungs, and before you knew it, a boy came racing into the hall. He knocked into you, and you both landed on the carpet on the ground. You laughed as you put your arms around your brother. 

"Missed you too." You murmured, as he pulled back to look at you with glistening blue eyes. You smiled at him, wiping away a tear from his cheek. "It's good to see you, champ." You said softly, and he nodded. "I missed you." Your smile widened. "Next time, I'll make sure you can visit the set, alright?" He nodded and helped you up from the floor. 

 

Your mother was there too, with another girl friend of hers, and they were chatting softly as you walked in. 

"Y/N!" Your mother said, getting up to hug you. You smiled and patted her back. "Hey mom. Clarissa." You nodded towards the other woman, who smiled. "I saw the movie. You did a very good job, Y/N, you were very convincing in your role." You smiled kindly at her compliment and turned towards your brother. "How about we make lunch for mom and Clarissa?" 

 

"Hey." You answered your phone without checking who it was. "Y/N!" You recognised the voice immediately, even though the words were spoken slightly slurred. "Darling, you  _need_ to come to this epic party tonight." You frowned. "Jack, why are you drunk?" "I'm not drunk, just a little tipsy," Jackie spoke, "but you need to come there. It's hosted by some important people, and it's some gala. You can even bring a date! There will be press everywhere, so you'll be able to make an even better name for yourself. See you then, love!" You sighed deeply. Then, you grabbed your phone again to scroll through your contacts. 

Your finger lingered above  **Tom Holland**. The two of you had gotten acquainted, ever since you met on the set of _Civil War_ , and then on set for filming a few scenes of _Spider-Man: Homecoming_. And then during the filming of _Infinity War_ , you had grown a little closer together. But he seemed a little nervous around you for most of the time, and judging by the looks he gave you sometimes, you could figure out that he liked you. 

That was not a problem at all, really, because he was handsome, and he was cute, and he was very nice (and maybe you had a little crush on him, but nobody knew and that would stay that way if you could help it). But you liked to lay back a little, because you weren't sure if you were yet ready for a relationship. 

So, you scrolled past him, and stopped at  **Harrison Osterfield**. Yes, that would do. Determined, you pressed his name. 

"Y/N Y/L/N. Didn't expect you to call me." Harrison drawled on the other side of the phone and you rolled your eyes, petting Thor softly as he purred and shifted in your lap. You and Harrison had done a few modelling gigs together, even ending up on the Seventeen cover together. The two of you had done quite a few interviews together before  _Civil War_ and you could say you were friends. Sort of. Back then, around the time that you were going to start filming, you and Harrison seemed to have quite a deep connection, but neither of you wanted to do something about it because you thought it wasn't going to work out. So, you stayed friends. 

"Good to hear that," you said, "you know, I just returned from filming." Harrison laughed. 

"I do. Tom's here." He said, and you quirked an eyebrow before remembering that he and Tom had become very good friends over the past three years. "I need a favour." You said. "And what's that, little angel?" You smiled at your old nickname. 

"There's this gala tonight, surely you've heard of it. I'm going there. And I need to bring a date." He gasped. "Are you asking me to be your date, Y/N?" 

What you didn't know, was that Harrison and Tom were sitting together on the couch at the moment, and when Tom heard what Harrison said, he couldn't help but flinch. He knew that you and Harrison were very good friends. He also knew that there was a time when you were a little bit more than friends but that neither of you had pursued it for your own reasons. Were you going to pursue Harrison now? 

"Storm is going to be there." You squeaked nervously. Harrison frowned as he looked at his best friend, who was sinking into the couch. "Storm, as in, y'know? Coast?" "Yes." You sighed. "And she's been... well, she's been texting me lately. Says she wants me back and stuff." You mumbled into the phone. "After what happened between us, I don't know what I'm going to do when I see her, so I at least need a friend with me." 

"Alright Y/N. I'll come with you." Harrison said, and you smiled. "But I'm taking Tom with me." You frowned. You heard some muffled voices, and then a door closed. "Look, I can't leave my best mate alone to go with you as your date when we're not even romantically involved anymore." "I know that, Haz. I know. Thank you. I'll see you tonight, I'll pick you up at nine." With that, you cancelled the call and let your head fall into your pillows. What were you going to do? 

 

* * * 

 

It wasn't that hard to pick out a dress. 

First, you called your manager, Krista. 

She, in turn, called your entire team to make sure you would be ready by eight. 

Krista and your clothing stylist picked out a beautiful red dress with a short skirt that ended a little above the knees. The fish bone support around the waist made it easy for Vera to shape the dress to your figure and the front edge had been designed to be laced, which made it possible to adjust the size - which wasn't necessary. The dress had heavy and complicated and exquisite details (small red flowers graced the top and the off-shoulder short sleeves) which gave this dress a beautiful look together with the delicate handcraft applique, according to Vera and Krista. The skirt was beautiful too, mainly made of pink satin, with a dark net yarn fastened above it, making it change colours a bit when you shifted. There was a thin ribbon around your waist too, which was tied into a small bow. 

Vera paired it with ballerina flats, which were a wine-red colour, and your hair stylist Fyn pulled your hair up into a beautiful bun atop your head, adorned with small red and pink flowers that Krista and Vera had picked out together. 

They finished the look with a thin black choker, and a lovely delicate silver bracelet with a pendant in the shape of a rose dangling on it. You put on a few rings around your fingers - one that your father had given you, two that Alec had given you for your seventeenth birthday - six years ago - and a ring that your mother had given you, with a tiny diamond on it. 

Your nails were painted wine-red, and because you wanted to keep it a little natural, Jordan (your make-up artist) decided to keep a low profile on your face. Just a little bit of foundation, highlighter, bronzer, mascara and lipstick in a flary red colour. 

All in all, you loved how you looked in the end.

You twirled in front of the mirror, admiring your tanned legs that looked even longer now, with the short skirt of the dress. "You look perfect!" Jordan exclaimed, and Vera clapped softly. You turned, smiling. "And that's all thanks to you." Everyone laughed and turned in for a group hug. Later, you asked Alec to take a picture of you and your entire team, and you posted it on your Instagram, saying:  ** _I'm so grateful for my entire team, who are still willing to work with me after all these years. Thank you, everyone._**

 

 

When you arrived at Harrisons house, your chauffeur was the one who stepped out to greet them. You were nervous to see them again - you and Harrison talked on the phone a lot, and you Face Timed sometimes, but you hadn't seen each other in real life for over seven months. And as for Tom... well, you were just nervous to see him at all. You knew he liked you - well, you thought he did - but he was nervous around you and you didn't know him well enough to ask him about it. 

"You look hot," was Harrisons first comment when he stepped into the car, and you giggled. "You don't look wrong yourself Haz." Tom got into the car too and shot you a nervous smile. "You look very pretty." You smiled at him. "Thank you." 

 

When Harrison helped you get out of the car - being the gentleman he was, of course Tom and he got out first on the other side to open your door and help you - the cameras started flashing in your direction, and you plastered a smile on your face. 

"Y/N!" A reporter yelled, but you ignored them and followed Tom and Harrison onto the carpet where the pictures would be taken. 

Jackie was there somewhere too, but you didn't know where. She was probably already inside, though, knowing her. You posed alone for a few times, and then Harrison and you posed together. "Y/N!" A reporter yelled, "Are you and Harrison Osterfield a couple?" You and Harrison looked at each other and laughed. Harrison left your side, and Tom took his place, smiling shyly. You moved closer to him and let him put an arm around your waist to pose for the camera's. 

Within minutes, you had enough, and you went inside. 

Jackie found you at the bar, with a glass of wine in your hand. "Hello darling!" She said, smiling. You pulled her into a warm hug. "I saw the movie. It was amazing! Even teared up a bit at the end, couldn't believe Parker died, y'know, and left you behind." She smirked and you laughed. "Yeah, I get that. Elizabeth and I were crying too." "I still can't believe you throw around with those names like that. Geez, Y/N, you're so famous now." 

You smiled as the two of you walked around. "I might be a little more famous than I used to be Jackie, but not that much. And besides, it's not like you don't know any famous people." Jackie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but this is England. We're talking about Hollywood here!" You laughed a little harder now. "Well, they can't get to your level anyway. You're the person I need. Hollywood or not, I don't know them as well as you and Tom." Jackie smiled. "Is Hiddleston here too?" 

You shrugged. "Could be. Don't think so. He said he has a family dinner." 

"When did he tell you that?" Jackie suggestively raised her eyebrows at you, and you scoffed. "We went out for breakfast this morning to walk to dogs Jack, don't get anything in your head. Oh look, there's Emma Watson!" 


	2. 0.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: suicide attempt (not too heavy)

**The Powerpuff Couple**

**Members:**

**Jackson Maura (Buttercup)**

**Y/N Y/L/N (Blossom)**

 

**_Monday, 10.08 am_ **

 

**Buttercup: Would you look at this!**

 

**Are Y/N Y/L/N and Harrison Osterfield dating?**

_The sparks are flying between the young celebrities during a summer gala. The pictures show a laughing Y/L/N and Osterfield laughing. Osterfield has picked up modelling - it was the way that the two met. Y/L/N is an upcoming actress, starring in Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Infinity War as Alexis Stark and in Spider-Man: Homecoming as Ray Carter. She plays a love interest of Spider-Man, and the daughter of Iron Man. Y/N Y/L/N's parents are actors and models themselves, so it is not a surprise to see her standing on screen. Hopefully we will be able to investigate this rumoured relationship!_

 

 

**Blossom: Lame. Do you think the public will actually believe that?**

 

**Buttercup: They will believe anything if they want to.**

 

**Blossom: My manager is going to be pissed. And Haz too. Please support me.**

 

**Buttercup: I support you. Just like I did this weekend.**

 

**Blossom: Yeah, another thanks for that. Love ya, gotta run!**

 

**Buttercup: Much love, J**

 

* * * 

 

**_Tuesday, 3.47 pm_ **

 

**Buttercup: Tada. I fixed it for you. Called them and told them the supposed truth.**

 

**Buttercup: But another one has taken up on you and Holland. Lol. I'll send both of 'em to you. Lots of love! J.**

 

**Harrison Osterfield and Y/N Y/L/N are not dating**

_There have been several speculations about Y/L/N and Osterfields relationship, but an inside course, who is close to Y/N Y/L/N, has told us that rumours are only rumours, and they are, in fact, not together. "Y/N and Harrison are just very close friends. Yeah, they used to be more, everyone knew that, but they never picked it up, and their romantic feelings for each other are gone. They are like brother and sister now." It's sad to hear that it's just a rumour; they would look lovely together!_

 

**Tom Holland and Y/N Y/L/N, spotted together**

_At the summer gala this Saturday evening, none other than famous Avengers stars Tom Holland and Y/N Y/L/N arrived and posed together! The two seemed happy together, goofing around at the party, and judging by their Instagram posts, the afterparty was spent together too. Rumours have not yet been confirmed and neither of the two stars have been willing to comment on it._

 

**Blossom: I officially hate being a celebrity.**

 

**Buttercup: You've had this all your life. Remember when everyone thought you and Hiddleston were sleeping together?**

 

**Blossom: Don't remind me please.**

 

**Buttercup: Have you and Krista already talked about it?**

 

**Blossom: She hasn't called yet. 'm not planning on calling her either. Just waiting for her to do so. Mum's out for the week and Alec's staying with his friends, so I'm all alone with the pets; no one's asking me any questions. Luck!**

 

**Buttercup: Yeah, I think you're gonna have a LOT of questions when your mum and dad get back.**

 

**Blossom: Yeah.**

 

* * * 

 

It was hard being a celebrity. Everyone was always speculating about your life, and your friends, and your love life. It had been like that since you were born. You had gotten used to it, but that didn't mean you liked it. At all. 

Your mum called on Wednesday. Luckily for you, she hadn't checked the magazines yet, and she only called to ask you if you could drop some clothes of Alec by his friends' home. 

You figured that if you were out now, you might as well just go to London to do some shopping. 

 

Unsurprisingly, or surprisingly, it depended on the way you looked at it, you bumped into Harrison and Tom. 

"Hey guys!" You called, and you pulled Harrison in for a warm hug. Tom stared at you for a split second before smiling. "Good afternoon, Y/N." He said. You smiled back at him. "What are you doing here?" "We're trying to find a gift for Tom's dad." Harrison told you. You nodded. "That's nice. Watcha getting him?" You turned your eyes to Tom, who shrugged. "Don't know yet. 'm not that good with gifts, ya know?" You chuckled. "I'm helping him out." Harrison grinned. You ruffled his hair. "You do that. I'm gonna get my darlings some treats." 

"Come with us." Harrison said, and you looked up at him. Tom was already strolling, looking at several shops. He pointed at Tom. "Get to know him. You both like each other." You felt your cheeks heat. "Alright. But, I wanna be home by five." 

 

"Alright, and so, she went up to the guy, and asked if he could take a few more pictures, and he looked at her, and he just burst out laughing!" Harrison laughed and Tom laughed with him, while you tried to hide your blush as you punched Harrison on his arm. He faked pain, groaning loudly. "When did you get so strong?" He mused, and you chuckled. "Since I started hanging out with the strong guys." You pointed at Tom, who flushed. You grinned and ruffled Harrisons hair. "Kidding Haz. You know I love you." He picked you up by your waist and started running. "Put me down this instant!" You yelled, your cheeks probably flaming red by now. You saw Tom take a picture, and behind him, more people were. 

Harrison put you down, laughing, and you couldn't help but laugh a little too. 

"Thank you," you said as he slung his arm over your shoulders. The two of you walked back to Tom, who regarded you with a strange expression. 

"For what?" He looked at you questioningly. "For making me laugh." You slipped under his arm and playfully clapped Tom on the back before walking into the store where you always bought your animal food. 

 

Later that afternoon, the three of you went to Starbucks. You ordered a latte, and the hot barista winked at you. When you got your cup of coffee, you noticed he had written his number on it. 

"Oeh la la." Harrison sang as you slumped into the chair besides him. You cocked an eyebrow. "You got a number." He wiggled his eyebrows at you, and you scrunched your nose. "Never said I wanted to. He knows who I am. Can't trust people who do." It stayed silent for a while. Then, Harrison's phone made a sound, and he looked at it, frowning. "I am so, so sorry, but I really gotta go. Charlotte needs my help." He pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Come over tonight." He whispered, and then he said goodbye to Tom before leaving. 

It was silent for a minute. Then, Tom leaned forward. You smiled at him, fumbling with the ribbon on your blouse. 

"You said you don't trust people who know you." 

"Not people like him. Normal people, I mean. I don't know if they're just doing it for the fame, or for the money. From guys like you, it's different. You're rich, you have a good job, so you wouldn't need a famous person like me so much." 

"I get it." Tom said, and he smiled. "So, how do you know Haz?" 

You smiled too. "I've known him since we were toddlers, I think. We played together, laughed together, we slept over occasionally, we did almost everything together. We were best friends, in every sense of the words. We did modelling gigs together, and interviews and stuff. When I got a girlfriend, everything changed. We hung out less, also because I started filming and was away a lot. When my relationship took a rough patch, Harrison was there for me. I got a crush on him. Told him ‘bout it, he said the feelings were reciprocated. We didn’t do anything about it because I was leaving for the United States for filming, and I didn’t want to ruin a friendship. We kept it quiet, and we agreed to not do anything with it. I think we made the right choice.” You smiled sweetly as you sipped from your coffee.

“Your girlfriend was Storm Coast, right?”

You nodded, a little taken aback by the question. “So that’s why you don’t trust people like the barista.”

The corners of your mouth quirked up. He was smart.

“Long story short, she was a beginning model when she met me. I made it easier for her. She cheated on me, and we broke up.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Tom said kindly, and he grabbed your hand, that was laying on the table, softly stroking your skin with his thumb. It was nice. “Nobody deserves to be cheated at. Especially someone like you.”

You felt your cheeks heat, and you giggled. “That’s very sweet of you to say. Now, enough about me! Tell me everything about you!”

“Erm, well...” Tom cleared his throat. He started talking about his youth, and his dancing career before he was noticed. All the while talking, his hand rested on yours.

 

You helped him find the perfect gift for his father.

When you walked out the shop, he stopped you. You turned to look at him expectantly. “Would you like to join me and Haz at the pub this Friday? I-if you’re free, of course.” You smiled. “Of course.”

He walked you to your car. You stayed silent until you opened your car door. “Have a nice day.” You said, turning your head. He gave you a lopsided smile. “You too.”

 

* * *

 

It was different when you came home. You were tired, suddenly. You barely managed to feed the animals before almost crawling upstairs to your bedroom, where you set an alarm.

Thor managed to crawl into your bed and crept under your arms to put his small head on your pillow, close to your cheek. You smiled faintly and petted the cat's soft fur, as your eyes started to close, and you drifted off. 

 

When you were awake, it was already seven pm. Yawning, you texted Harrison to ask if you were still on for movie night. Then, you moved out of your bed to take out pants and a blouse. 

As soon as you were done dressing, your phone pinged. 

**Hazza: We are always on. Tom's gonna be there too. D'ya mind?**

You smiled to yourself and typed a quick message back that you didn't mind at all and that you'd be there by eight. 

 

You were there at eight. 

The two boys were already inside, and Harrison had set up a movie already. You pressed a kiss to his cheek when you entered the room, and greeted Charlotte happily, who smiled back at you. 

 

You were watching Atlantis at nine thirty, with an empty pizza box on your lap, when your phone rang. You picked it up, and looked at the name on the screen.  **Alec** , it said. You put the phone to your ear. "What's up bubba?" A sob from the other side of the phone and you frowned, putting the box on the small table in front of you. "Alec?" You asked, concerned. What had happened? "I- they, I.." He sobbed again. "Baby, what's wrong?" You asked. "Where are you?" You then demanded to know. "St. Martins Lane, you know - The Salisbury." He sniffed. You nodded. "Alright, I'm coming. Stay there, baby, alright?" "Y-yeah." He sobbed again and you cancelled the call, getting up to put on your shoes. 

The boys looked at you with questioning gazes. "Something's wrong with Alec," you quickly said, "I'm going to pick him up. Won't be back. Enjoy your movie." You ruffled Harrisons hair and, in an impulse, leaned down to press your lips to Tom's cheek. The boy turned red quickly. You had no time to notice or say anything about it, and you left the house hastily. 

 

It wasn't a long drive. When you stepped out of your car and ran towards the pub, you noticed two figures sitting on the sidewalk. You noticed Alec's coat, and walked up to them. Alec was crying, sobbing uncontrollably, while the guy next to him rubbed his arms and whispered soothing words that didn't seem to help.

"Hey." You said softly, and you leant down to look at Alec. He looked up and sniffed. You reached up to wipe some of the tears away. "We're going home. Who's this?" You looked at the boy next to him. "I'm Brandon." The boy said, and he smiled. "Alright. I'm taking Alec home now. You can come by tomorrow if you'd like." Brandon nodded as the two of you helped Alec up. He clung to you, sobbing, as if you were his lifeline. You stroked his back. "We're getting in the car and I'm driving us home." You whispered, and you pushed him in the car. 

You then turned to Brandon. "I don't know what happened, but thanks for staying with him." You smiled, and he smiled back, tentatively. 

 

* * * 

 

The next morning, Brandon stood on the doorstep. You let him in without asking questions and prepared him a cup of coffee before letting him sit down on the couch. "Alec is upstairs. He's still sleeping, I think. I haven't asked any questions." 

Brandon nodded. "I've never seen you with him before." You said slowly. Brandon smiled nervously, playing with the edges of his shirt. "It was the first time I was with him in the company of his friends." He said, and you nodded. "They called him a faggot." Your eyes grew big. "We - well, he and I - we - uhm," Brandon scratched the back of his head and then sighed deeply. "He told them he's gay last night. They didn't react so well. Called him nasty things, said it wasn't right and that he wasn't normal. I brought him outside in an attempt to calm him down, and then he called you." You raised your brows. Your mind was processing things still. Your brother's friends called him a faggot because he liked boys? God, they were only fifteen! Alec was only fifteen! How could they do that? 

"Are you two dating?" You asked, careful not to ask too much. Brandon shrugged. "Kind of - I don't know, really. We're taking things slow. I like him though - a lot." You smiled. At least there were a few who accepted him as he was. "Alec is only fifteen," you said softly, "he's struggling. It's hard for him to not have his family with him most of the time. Dad and I are in the States for seventy-five percent of the year, and mum's away for modelling gigs most of the time too. It's good that he has someone he can trust and be with." You smiled when you heard soft footsteps. 

"He's awake. I'm going to ask if he wants breakfast. I suppose you'll stay here too?" Brandon smiled. "If that's not too much trouble." "Of course not!" You laughed. "We'll be with three then." 

When you walked up the stairs, you heard the bathroom door lock. You frowned. Alec never closed the bathroom door when it was just the two of you. 

You knocked on the door, only to hear a very soft sob. "Alec, are you alright in there?" You asked. No sound. "Alec?" You asked. You were growing more concerned. What was he doing in there? A sob was heard again, but very soft. "Alec?" You knocked harder now. "Alec, open the door please." Nothing happened. Fear crept into your heart. 

"Alec!" You pounced on the door now. Still no reaction. Oh god... You turned around, looking for something to open the door with. 

You found a large stone - one your father had collected on one of his trips to a few islands - and took it in your hands. It was heavy enough to destroy the lock. You heard someone coming up the stairs. 

You lifted the stone and smashed it on the lock. They both broke into pieces, and you pushed the door open quickly, only to find Alec in the bathtub. He was laying still, eyes closed and head against the wall. His wrists were bleeding, drenching him and the bathtub in blood. 

"No, no, no." You whispered, the tears stinging in your eyes as you tried to lift him out of the bathtub. "No! Alec, baby, wake up." You patted his cheek. A tear rolled down your cheek and you looked up as Brandon entered the bathroom. He stood still in shock, mouth agape. You took out your phone. "Call an ambulance!" You said, panicking. You managed to get Alec out of the bathtub, and quickly took out two towels, wrapping them around his wrists in a futile effort to stop the bleeding. You sobbed. "Please don't do this, Alec." You pressed your forehead to his as you heard Brandon talking softly. 

 

It was only a matter of minutes before the ambulance arrived and Alec was carried into the car. You pressed a hand to your mouth as Brandon stood next to you. When you looked his side, you saw he was crying. Sighing softly, you enveloped him in a hug. 

 

When Brandon and you were in the hospital, you had to wait for the doctor to call you. You slumped into a chair, without any energy to call your parents. You had to, you knew that, but your mind was still reeling from the past happenings. 

Brandon managed to get your phone and called the first person on your list - which was, inevitably, Tom Holland. 

 

He was in the hospital in mere minutes, and when he rushed in, you noticed Harrison was not far behind him. Even though, he was the first person you hugged, pushing your face in his shirt - which smelled nice - and cried. He carefully put his arms around you. "What happened?" He whispered in your ear, and you shook your head, not able to answer. 

You were pulled out of Tom's arms to hug Harrison, and when that was done and you stood trembling in his arms, you told them what had happened. 

“...and I- I wanted to call him for breakfast... but he- he didn't open the door and he never locks the bathroom door and I - I was so scared, and-" your voice broke and you started crying again. Brandon wasn't without tears either, and you stepped forward to put your arms around him again. 

 

Harrison called your parents. They both didn't pick up - which was no surprise because they were both working - but he left a voice-mail, explaining what had happened. 

 

* * * 

 

"Family of Alec Y/L/N?" You jolted out of your seat, shaking Brandon awake. He had fallen asleep against you, but you had stayed awake, nervous as you were. Tom and Harrison were both downstairs, to get something to eat and drink. 

"I am his sister." You said, and the doctor nodded. "Good. He's awake. He's asking to see you, and someone named Brandon. I can fill you in on everything that has happened." You nodded. Brandon yawned and got up quickly. "I want to see him." He stated, and you smiled at him. "You will. Come on." 

Brandon went into the room first, as the doctor took you apart. 

"He's stabilised now," the man said, "we stitched the wounds and put bandages around them. He hasn't hit any nerves, luckily, but he will experience pain throughout the first months. We gave him some drugs against the pain, and we want to keep him here for at least two days. We also want him to go into therapy. We have a few numbers of psychiatrists ourselves, but you are welcome to try any other." You nodded slowly. "We're going to check in on him every half hour, if you're okay with that." You nodded again. "I am. Thank you." 

When you entered the room, you noticed Harrison and Tom were already back. Harrison waved at you and you nodded back before stepping inside. 

Your breath seemed to be stolen away from you as soon as you saw Alec laying on the bed. 

He was pale, immensely pale. There was a bruise on his cheek that you hadn't noticed before, and his wrists were wrapped in a white sort of cloth. His eyes were open, but they looked glossy. His face was turned to Brandon, who was sitting next to his bed, holding one of his hands tightly and whispering. You felt like you were intruding an important moment, and so you stepped out of the room and returned to your friends.

It felt normal to sit next to Tom and let him pull an arm around you. It felt nice, too.

Harrison smiled at you. "How is he?" "They say he's okay, for now. They want to keep him here for two days, and they want to put him into therapy." You sighed. "I can't believe this is happening. I know it was hard for him, because he's so young, and we're never there with him, and- I just feel so guilty." Your voice wavered and you shut your eyes. Tom stroked your back. "It's not your fault." He said softly. You opened your eyes to look at him but didn't answer. Harrison cleared his throat. "I'm going to call my mom." He said, and he left you two alone.

You sighed again. "I hate this." You groaned. "I hate the fact that I need to leave Saturday morning for the States to start filming for _Captive State_ , and that I can't stay here to be there for him. I hate that during summer it's always the busiest time, considering the fact that we're going to start filming for _Endgame_ too, and I have my shooting for Vogue." You sighed deeply. "Can't you cancel?"

You looked up at him. His face was dangerously close. "I already shot a few scenes for _Captive State_ that appeared in the trailer. I can't back out now, then they would have to start the whole auditioning process again." He swallowed. "I guess you'll have to fly back and forth then." You hummed. And then, a thought occurred. "What if I bring him with me? I'll search for a good therapist there, we'll stay in the villa together with dad, and mom can fly over if she wants to." You smiled. "Yes, that'll do. Come on, I'm going to tell him." You grabbed his hand and pulled him with you. 

When you entered the room, you noticed that Harrison was inside as well. He was talking to Brandon. 

Alec's eyes sought yours and you frowned, sitting down on the bedside. "Don't you dare do that again." You said, using your free hand to stroke his cheek. "Because I will kill you." Alec smiled a sorrowful smile. "I'm sorry." He croaked, but you shook your head. "Don't say that. Don't be sorry. I understand, you know that." Without any further ado, you pulled up your sleeve and showed him the deep scars that stood graved in your skin. "You're going to get help, Alec." 

 

"You know I need to leave." You sighed. Alec nodded. "But I'm not going to leave you here." His eyes looked at you and he looked pained. "You can't stay here." He said, and you smiled as Tom's index-finger traced a pattern on your back. "I'm bringing you with me." You heard Brandon cough, and you looked at him. "And you can come too, if you'd like. You can even visit me on set!" Alec smiled as Brandon squeezed his hand. 

"I'd love that." 

You bowed down to press a kiss on his forehead. "Mom and dad will be here soon. They're on the plane." You whispered. Alec nodded. "I'm going to leave you alone for a while, now. Are you okay with that?" "I'll stay with him." Brandon blurted out, and he blushed faintly. "That's good. Haz?" Harrison looked up and gave you a smile. "I'm going home to have dinner with my family." "Alright." You looked at Tom now, who gave you a lopsided smile. "I'll stay with you." 

After you said your goodbyes and Tom and you left for the restaurant, a calm feeling spread through you. 

It was weird, considering the situation. 

 

When you sat down in Alec's room again, you noticed that Tom and you were still holding hands. 


	3. 0.3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none

It was nice to be able to work again. Studying lines, saying them out loud a hundred times in front of the mirror; it was everything you needed to get yourself back on track. This was your life, your everything. Acting was your passion. 

Filming two movies at the same time was hard, though. It was exhausting, and more times than not, you fell asleep on the couch in the villa. 

Brandon and Alec spent a lot of time together. Alec visited his psychiatrist every week thrice, and as the months passed and October came, he visited twice every week. 

Your brother and his boyfriend had already gone back to London in late August, seeing as they still had to go to school. You hated it, but your mother would stay home from now on to watch him and you called as many times as you could. 

 

You bonded mostly with Ashton Sanders, who played an important character in the movie. You played the part of his lover, a girl with a very dark past. 

By August, they had already started filming _Endgame_ , but since you would not appear too much in the movie - only in a few scenes and in the last twenty minutes - your schedule wasn't too busy. 

Harrison and Tom were there, and so was the other Tom, whom you spent a great deal of time with. 

 

You had taken the cats Loki and Thor and your bunny Peter with you. 

 

At the moment, you were displayed on a couch in a big white room, only a thin white cloth covering your body. The photographer was shooting dozens of pictures, telling you to move your head a bit to the left or the right, or for a stylist to move your hair. 

"You're doing great!" Krista yelled from the side, and you smiled lightly, tilting your head back just a little back. The photographer raised his thumb at you. 

Within minutes, you changed into another outfit, and then in another, and then in another. 

 

When you were done and freshly out of make-up, you could put on your dress again. Krista met you outside of the shooting room. "The pictures turned out to be amazing, even without editing. You know, they want to offer you a full contract." She said, walking with you to the lobby, where they handed you and Krista your coats. You pulled it on and turned towards her. "Won't that mess up my schedule?" She shrugged as you stepped outside into the cold. Shivering, you put your hands in your pockets. "For next year there are no more scenes you need to shoot. After January you'll be done. A modelling contract would give you a perfect opportunity to build your career up even more." 

You hummed. "It's a good idea. Give me some time to think about it, alright?" "Yes. Oh, and don't forget to be on time tomorrow! Interview." You nodded and smiled as you said your goodbyes. 

 

* * * 

 

"Hello loves." You greeted the entire cast as you walked on set. "Y/N!" Chris said with a big grin as he walked up to you, already in full armour. "You're here early." The other Chris said swinging his shield on his back, giving you a nod. You smiled at them. 

"Y/N?" You then heard a soft voice say, and you looked down. "Sasha." You smiled at the young boy, crouching down. "Why aren't you in a suit?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. You chuckled. "Do you want to see me in my suit?" "Everyone does, obviously." Tom drawled from behind you, and you turned around, admiring his long black hair. "How flattering." You laughed. "Well, I'm going to get my make-up done. Would you like to come and watch?" You asked, and Sasha nodded eagerly. "Come on." You lifted him up and waved goodbye to the three actors before walking to your trailer. 

 

"Wow." Sasha exclaimed as you turned around in the seat, revealing your suit. It was a wine-red suit, that hugged your curves perfectly. Your make-up artists Jordan, Evie and Jamie continued working on your face, enlightening your cheekbones and painting your lips a shiny red colour. They accentuated your purple eyes - colour lenses - by putting on a little bit of golden eyeshadow. Fyn braided your hair into a loose braid, pulling out a few curls to give it a casual look. Then, you got up from your chair, repeating your lines in your head, and you let Vera and Krista pin your cloak to your shoulders. It was a beautiful silver colour, with a large cap that you could pull over your head. 

Jamie took out a small box and opened it. You smiled. "What is that?" Sasha asked curiously. "It's my eye mask," you explained, "it's supposed to make me unrecognizable." "But everyone can still see your face," Sasha said, and he frowned. You chuckled. "Yes, that's very much true darling." 

You closed your eyes and let them put the mask on your face. It was a comfortable weight - as you had worn it many times before. 

Sasha gasped. "You look like a real superhero!" He exclaimed, and you ruffled his hair. "That's the point." A voice sounded, and when you looked up, you looked at Loki, not Tom anywhere. He grinned slyly. "Alexis, you're up." "Alexis?" Sasha asked and you smiled, getting up from your seat. "That's the name of the character I play. I need to go to work now. How about Loki here takes you on a tour?" "Yes!" The small boy exclaimed, jumping out of the trailer. Tom pressed his lips to your cheek. "Break a leg." He said, and you laughed. "Thanks. Have fun boys!" 

 

"And, cut!" 

You let your arms drop, and pulled the cap from your head, wiping the sweat of your forehead. 

"You're doing great Y/N!" Someone yelled and you raised your thumb, grinning at Scarlett, who was standing beside you. "Of course she's doing great, she's my daughter after all." Robert said, and everyone laughed. 

 

You were ready to tackle the man to the ground, but he pulled a scared face, and you started laughing so hard the tears sprung in your eyes. 

You sat down, holding up a hand. "I'm sorry." You said, and then you started laughing again. Benedict, who was next to you, laughed too, and then, everyone was laughing. 

 

"So annoying!" Robert proclaimed, moving his hands. "I know right?" You asked, putting your hand on his shoulder. The two of you looked at each other and burst out laughing. 

 

"Cut!" You sighed and let your muscles relax. Scarlett smiled. "I'm hungry." She said, and she disappeared. "Me too." You said out loud, and your stomach rumbled. Everyone turned to look at you. "I'll take you out to lunch!" Tom yelled, and everyone laughed. "I'll do that." You heard, and you turned around. 

"Alec!" You yelled, your eyes wide in surprise, and you ran up to him, knocking him to the ground. He laughed and put his arms around you. "Hey sis." 

The two of you got up again, and you noticed Zoe put down her phone to stop filming. "What are you doing here?" You examined him, and then your eye fell on Brandon standing behind him. "And you too?" He smiled sheepishly. "We wanted to surprise you, y'know. Just before your birthday." "It's your birthday?" Someone behind you asked, and you winced. 

"That's very sweet of you guys, but I was planning on swinging back to London to celebrate my birthday with you anyways. This is even better." You swung your arms around the couple, and the three of you walked off set. 

 

After lunch, when you returned on set and got back in your trailer to let your team do your make-up, they asked you about your birthday. 

"It's not today, actually. It's tomorrow." You laughed as Vera helped you get into your old suit. This one was purple, with a huge, white A on the front. It stood for your father, Anthony, for the Avengers, and for your character's name Alexis. There was a beautiful golden cape on this one, without a cap this time, and a mask that covered your entire face.

"Great, no make-up this time." You shared a laugh with Krista, and then you stepped out of your trailer, mask in hand. 

"Surprise!!"

You jumped back in shock and stared at the cast in front of you. Everyone was grinning. You smiled lightly, feeling your cheeks heat up. "Guys, this was unnecessary." You said, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Everything for our little Y/N." Chris Pratt said, and he smiled at you. You smiled back. "We've got cake!" Zoe yelled. "And presents!" Brie jumped up in front of you, tugging on your arm. 

 

You ended up getting a lot of small presents, like books, new drawing paper, paint and accessories.

From Tom, however, you got a beautiful silver bracelet with an engraved crystal in it. Robert gave you a ring with several diamonds in it. It blinked in the light, and it was so beautiful you feel you wanted to cry. You hugged them both tightly, thanking them a million time over and over.

 

* * * 

 

"No matter how much I love filming, there is nothing better than coming home." You sighed as you dropped on the couch. 

"Y/N!!" A voice rang through the house, and you looked up. Then, a tall brunette ran in and jumped on you. You let out a loud 'oof' and then the two of you started laughing. 

"Hey love." She said as soon as you calmed down. She was grinning widely. "Jackie, I didn't know you'd be here." You said slowly, looking at Alec and Brandon, who were holding hands. Alec's cheeks turned red. "I wanted to surprise you. We're going out for dinner with your friends tomorrow, but I wanted to be here first to give you my gift." 

She handed you a thick envelope. You took it from her, looking at it suspiciously. "Just open it." Jackie said, folding one of her legs under her bum and leaning forward with an eager expression on her face. "Alright, alright." You laughed, and you opened the envelope. 

"Oh, my god." You whispered as you took the two airplane tickets. You turned to look at her with big eyes. "We're going to Japan?" You asked, and she nodded. "Oh my god! We're going to Japan!!" You shrieked, and you embraced her so quickly that you rolled off the couch, laughing. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." You repeated, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "This is amazing Jackie!" She smiled. "I'm glad you like it." 

 

That night, your parents arrived with soft hugs and kisses and birthday wishes. "We'll give you your gift tomorrow." Your mother promised you, and she winked at you. You couldn't stop smiling. Your favourite people were with you now and you couldn't wish for anything better. 

 

The next morning, the doorbell rang before you could dress yourself. So, in your silk nightgown, you opened the door. Your eyes widened in surprise when you saw a huge bunch of flowers in front of you. Two legs were beneath it. "Happy birthday little angel," a voice sounded that sounded like Harrison. You chuckled. "Wow, Haz, who are those flowers for?" "For you mother, of course." He stepped in and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Happy birthday." You closed the door behind him and led him to the living room. 

"This house of yours is huge, love, where'd you pay it from?" He joked. You laughed. "I didn't pay anything, luckily. You can just - Mary?" One of the maids shuffled in and took the flowers from Harrison. "Please put them somewhere in my art room." She nodded and left you two alone. 

Harrison whistled as he looked at you. "You walk out of that door and everyone will stop to look at you." You punched him playfully. "Joker. Come on, I want breakfast." 

You drank your smoothie silently as Harrison sat in front of you. He was looking at you worriedly. "Are you eating enough?" He asked. "Just fine." You answered. "Been working out too, so losing weight, y'know." "Alright. Just don't go back to how it used to be, okay?" You smiled at him. "Never." 

 

"So, why are you here?" You asked as you stepped into the room again, this time in a short skirt and a white sweater with knee-high pink stockings. "I'm here to make sure you're ready on time." "For what?" You cocked your head. He grinned slyly. "For your man to pick you up, of course." "My man?" You were confused. The only boy you had been on a few (well, more than a few) dates with was Tom, but he had been so busy filming the past month that you hadn't seen each other. 

"Yes, your man. He should be here... right about now." The doorbell rang again. "I'm getting it!" Alec yelled from upstairs. You nodded and smiled. "Just do something about it, will ya?" Harrison asked as he guided you through the living room. You opened your mouth to say something but were interrupted by a soft "Hey." You turned around and felt your cheeks heat when you saw Tom standing there. He was wearing grey pants with a soft red hoodie and he looked absolutely adorable. 

"Hi." You answered, suddenly shy. "You look very pretty." He said. Harrison snorted and patted you on the back, making you turn to him. He pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Have fun." Then he walked towards Tom, said something softly and let Alec guide him out. 

Brandon bounced down the stairs before you could say something and ran up to you. "Happy birthday!" He yelled with a big smile. He was holding Peter in his arms. "Hey Brandon. Did'ya feed Peter yet?" "Nope, doing it now!" He said, and he rushed into the kitchen. When you turned to Tom again, he was smiling. "Nice name for a bunny." You smiled as you took a few steps forward. "Ray Carter just likes Peter Parker." You said, shrugging. His cheeks turned pink. "She does?" 

"Yeah, she does." You said, and he smiled. He was with you within a second, and he pulled you towards him to press his lips on yours. They were soft, moving against your own. His tongue slowly swiped at the seam of your lips, and you smiled, readily giving him entrance; letting him pull you flush against him. Your tongues languidly danced together, neither of you in a rush. Your arms moved to his neck, on the back of his head, your fingers grabbing his soft curls. His hands were still on your waist, his fingers drawing circles, making you relax in his touch. 

The two of you slowly parted, breathless. You smiled as he pressed another quick kiss on your lips. "I've been wanting to do that for weeks now." He whispered. "Me too." You whispered, and it was true. 

 

He took you to an Italian restaurant called La Lanterna di Vittorio. 

You were seated in the garden on the backside, where four large fires were crackling softly. It wasn't that cold, but you were still grateful for your choice of clothing. Tom held your hand as you chose to sit on a bench, close together. 

The waiter took your orders and arrived a few minutes later with your tea - Tom chose Earl Grey and you chose White Orchard, your favourite. 

"How's the filming going?" You asked, wrapping your hands around the steaming mug and breathing in the scent of peach. Tom hummed. "It's going okay. We make a lot of jokes, so nobody's spirits are down. We're all tired though, and happy we can wrap it up." He smiled at you. "How's _Captive State_ coming along?" "I'm almost done with my scenes, luckily," you said, sipping your tea, "it'll give me some time to rest and finish _Endgame_." 

You talked about the movies for a short while until the food arrived. Tom had ordered Il Calzone, a sort of half a pizza filled with mozzarella, ricotta and cheese, and you had ordered Insalate mesclun con pollo affumicato, a salad with smoked chicken breast and mixed greens in balsamic vinaigrette. 

You noticed Tom looking at you as you started eating. "Hmm?" You hummed questioningly, looking at him. He simply smiled and pulled out his phone. "Can I take a picture of you?" "Sure." You smiled and swallowed the food, before tilting your head to the side a bit so that your curls fell out of your face, and you smiled, your eyes fixated on Tom's concentrated face. He put his phone away again and dived into his food. 

You finished your food in silence for most of the time, occasionally joking about being on set. It was nice and you felt comfortable in his presence. 

Afterwards, he took you on a stroll through the city, which did not go by unnoticed by some of his fans. 

You were surprised when a few girls walked up to you, asking your autograph. Tom chuckled as he loosened his grip on your waist. 

You signed the photographs they were holding - they were photographs of you and Harrison, recently made. "Are you and Tom Holland together?" One of the fans asked. You smiled mysteriously. "That's a secret." You winked at her and she smiled. "I think you and he fit well together," another girl said, and you looked at her. She smiled. "In the movies too." "Yeah, Ray and he are very well in sync," another girl quipped. You chuckled. "It's good to hear such feedback. I'm sure Jon will be glad when I tell him." They smiled happily. "Thank you for your autograph. Please keep doing this!" They walked away from you and you watched them go, softly sighing. 

It was a wonderful job to have, and you got to meet so many new people, but it was exhausting too. And at the moment, you just really wanted to be with your brother in London, safely away from the rest of the world. When you turned around, you saw Tom lower his phone. And he was probably so tired now, just returning from filming the second movie. You felt sorry for him. He flew all the way to New York without going to his parents for you... 

He noticed your change of demeanour and frowned. "Are you okay?" You smiled. "I'm fine, Tommy. Come on." You took his hand and tugged him with you, trying to avoid the subject he would want to talk about. 

 

"What do you want to do in the future?" He asked, and you looked at him next to you. 

"I'm not sure. I don't really think about five years into the future, but if we're talking about next year, then I think I'd like to lay low for a while. Go back to London I guess and be with Alec for a while. Jackie is taking me to Japan in the summer, and maybe I'll even be taking up Krista's offer." "Offer?" He asked, turning his head so he could look at you. You smiled. "Vogue is asking me to model for them for a while. But I'm not sure about taking it up, because I'll be away from home again for such a long time." You sighed. "It would be a lot easier if Alec was out of school already, then he'd be able to model full-time as well and we can do it together." You shook your head. "But enough about me. What about you?" His cheeks turned red. "Well... I - I actually want to spend time with you." You felt your cheeks heat, and before you knew it, you were kissing him passionately. His hands crept under your sweater and pulled you on his lap. 

You parted, slightly out of breath. "That would be amazing." You dipped your head for another kiss, and he smiled against your lips. "I have something for you." He whispered, and you pulled away. He took a box out of his pocket and handed it to you. 

Slowly, you opened it, revealing a beautiful silver necklace, with a beautiful heart shaped emerald dangling on it. "It's beautiful." You gasped, and Tom carefully took it out. "Turn around." He said, and you did, pulling up your hair so he could put the necklace around your neck. The cold material felt strange on your neck. You didn't wear much necklaces, but you would wear this one a lot. Or forever, preferably. 

"I wanted to ask you something," Tom said, hesitantly. You turned to look at him. He was nervous. You took his face in your hands and pressed a kiss to his nose. "Ask away." He smiled softly. "Y/N," he took a deep breath, "do you want to be my girlfriend?" You blinked and smiled, tackling him on your bed. "Yes, yes, yes!" With every word, you pressed a kiss to his soft lips. His arms held your waist tightly as he chuckled. "Great. Now I can finally call you my girl." You fell down next to him and admired his beautiful jawline. Carefully, you touched his face and he turned to look at you. "You are very pretty." You giggled as he blushed at your words. "You are very pretty too." He admitted, and you moved to kiss him again, longer this time. You closed your eyes as he tucked your hair behind you ear, and his lips found yours quickly. 

 

* * * 

 

"Wow," was the only thing Tom could say as you twirled in front of him in a yellow dress. The dress was completely covered in lace, and the loose skirt of tulle stopped just above your ankle. It had off-shoulder trumpet sleeves that reached your elbow, and it exposed enough of your arm for you to see the deep scars in your arms. You ignored them, but when Jordan came up to you with a box full of make-up to cover them up, you waved the woman away. 

"Are you sure?" Jordan asked, and you nodded, taking a deep breath. "No," you admitted, "but maybe it's time to stop covering them up. I didn't do anything wrong." She nodded and smiled, leaving you and Tom alone. 

Fyn had taken a few strands of your hair and braided them to pin them on the back of your head. It left you with a casual chic look, something that you loved. Vera took a few pictures of you to post on social media, and you did, again thanking everyone for their effort. You already had tons of happy birthday messages, and you tweeted a thanks to all on twitter. 

 

Alec and Brandon were both dressed in blue suits, and Jackie had chosen a beautiful red dress with a v-neckline and a skirt that reached her knees. Her hair was pushed to one side, and she had chosen to keep her make-up neutral, just like you. Your mother and father entered a bit later, when you were sitting on the couch, on your phone, because Tom and Alec were talking about the Marvel comics and you had gotten a text. 

**Storm: Can we call?**

**Storm: Y/N?**

**You: Alright. Make it quick.**

Your phone buzzed and you picked it up. "Hey." You answered. "Hey babe." Storm answered, and you scrunched your nose. "Don't call me that, please. What do you want?" "I just wanted to wish you a happy twenty-third birthday." "Hmm." You answered, not convinced. Storm sighed on the other end of the phone. "I just want you to know I'm truly sorry, Y/N. I never wanted it to end that way." You stayed silent and tried to push back the tears that were forming in your eyes. "I'm sorry." She croaked. You sighed. "I can't do anything with words, Storm." You saw Alec look up surprised at the name. Tom frowned at you, asking with his eyes if you were okay, but you ignored them. 

"I know," she answered. "I know. But I also know you're happy now. I won't bother you, I promise. I just want you to be happy." Was she crying? "Storm, are you alright?" You asked, a little worried now. What was going on that she was so sad? The Storm you knew almost never cried. "I'm not," she said, "but I'm seeing a therapist. I'm going to be alright. Justin is there for me." You nodded solemnly. "I'm going now. Have a nice night. Take care." "You too." You whispered, and the call was cancelled. 

**You: You can always call me when you need help.**

You put your phone away and took a deep breath. "Was that Storm?" Alec asked, and you saw anger in his eyes. "It was," you said, smiling, "but it's okay. Anyways, aren't we leaving?" You distracted Tom with a quick kiss, and he smiled. 

 

* * * 

 

"Y/N, this is the gift we wanted to give you." Your parents handed you a thick envelope, like the one you got from Jackie the day before. You looked at the people around the table. Some people from the cast were there: Elizabeth, Scarlett and Colin, Robert and Susan, Brie and Alex, Tom, Zoe, Jacob, Angouri, Marisa and Zendaya. Your family was there too, Alec and Brandon, your mother and father, and your aunt Emily with her son Nigel. Tom was sitting next to you, his hand on your leg. You smiled at him and opened the envelope. 

In it were eleven tickets to Italy, for Christmas. Your mouth fell open as you closed it again. Then you got up from your chair to hug your parents tightly. "Thank you," you whispered in their ears. Your father looked at you with a big grin. "There are five tickets for all of us, which means you can take six others with us." Your eye fell on Tom, who was now talking to Brandon animatedly. You nodded. "Thank you," you said again, and then you sat down again. 

When everyone's attention was on the food, you leaned towards your boyfriend and put your hand on his leg to whisper in his ear. "What are you going to be doing this Christmas?" He smiled at you. "I dunno. Gotta let my parents choose." He looked so adorable to you couldn't resist giving him a quick kiss. His cheeks turned pink. "Well, do you like Italy?" His eyes widened. "Just the two of us?" "No silly, with everyone. I have eleven tickets for Italy in Christmas. We can go skiing. What d'ya say?" He nodded excitedly. "I love it, and I'm sure that everyone else will too." He pulled you in for another kiss. You smiled against his lips. "I look forward to it."


	4. 0.4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: implied smut, referenced self-harm and suicide attempts, vomiting on purpose

"It's cold." Alec muttered before pulling up his collar to shield his face from the wind. "Should I warm you up?" Brandon asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, and Alec blushed deeply. You laughed. "Go do that somewhere else kids." Tom said, wrapping his arms around you from behind. You relished in his body warmth. Alec stuck out his tongue. "No pda in public!" Your father yelled. You turned around, grabbing your ski's a little tighter to ensure they won't fall. "Shut up!" You yelled back, and the four adults burst out in laughter. 

"Dad's right," Harry pointed out, "it's not fair that you got yourself a girlfriend." You grinned as Tom pressed a kiss to your cheek. "You should get yourself a girlfriend too, then, Harry, if only you'd stop sulking." You pushed your boyfriend away. "Don't be mean to your little brother." You put your arm around Harry and the two of you laughed as Tom pouted. He looked adorable like that, and you couldn't resist giving him a kiss. 

"Alright, if you two are going to keep acting like two lovesick teenagers, we're going to Switzerland to ski." Sam exclaimed and you giggled. "We won't. Pinkie promise." You linked your gloved pinkie with his, and the two of you shared smiles. 

 

The trip up the mountain was short. 

As soon as you were above, Tom took your hand and started pulling you to the slope. You laughed and pulled him back. "Tom, you're not even wearing your ski gear yet." "Oh!" He said, "forgot about that!" You couldn't help but laugh as you walked back to an empty bench where you could put on your ski's. 

Tom kneeled in front of you in the snow and guided your foot to the ski. You chuckled under your breath and it clicked. "It fit!" Tom said, and he looked up at you. "I found my Cinderella guys!" Your cheeks heated up rapidly, and you playfully slapped him. A few people looked your way, amused. "What? It's true, you're my princess." If possible, you blushed even harder. He was a dork. An adorable one, though. 

When you were done, you stood there, humming in the snow, when Tom stopped in front of you. He went a little further with his ski's, so that his stood in between yours and he could pull you close. "I really wish I could get that helmet off so I can kiss you properly." He grumbled, and you chuckled, getting out of his grasp. "You can't always have everything Holland." You patted his helmet, and then, as you noticed both your families were done, started skiing towards the beginning of the slope. 

"Race you to the bottom." Sam said, and you nodded. "What are we racing for?" He laughed. "If you lose, you need to wear my clothes tomorrow. If I lose, I need to wear your clothes tomorrow. The winner gets to enjoy the sight." You nodded again. "Sounds great. I'm in!" "Go, go, go!" Your father yelled from behind you, and you didn't let him tell you so twice. 

 

"Damn it!" Sam yelled when he arrived where you were standing, grinning like a madman, even though he couldn't see your face properly. "Do you want a rematch?" You asked, and he nodded, pulling you with him to the ski lift. 

"Don't we need to wait for the rest?" You asked, as you saw Tom, Harry and Alec speeding down. "Nah. Come on." You smiled and followed Sam to the lift. 

 

"What?!" You heard Sam yell as you jumped off the small hill, landing in the snow before him. "Not again!" He screamed dramatically, and you started laughing. 

 

* * * 

 

"God, I'm exhausted." Tom said as he pulled off his jacket. You looked at him as you took off your own black jacket and your hat. The warmth in the hotel was comfortable and it made you a little tired. "Just hold on a little longer kiddo," Dominic said, ruffling Tom's hair, "we're going to eat soon." "I'm going to take a nap," you said softly, and Tom took your hand. "I'll take a quick shower. Just text us when we need to come down." Nicola lifted her thumb in the air as the two of you stepped into the elevator. 

 

True to your word, you undressed quickly and slipped under the covers of the large bed, sighing softly. You closed your eyes but couldn't sleep. You tried for three more minutes before kicking the covers off your body and stepping on the ground. You could as well just shower. 

The shower was still on when you entered the bathroom, twirling your hair into a large messy bun on top of your head. You slipped out of the nightgown and kicked it away, before turning around and pushing the glass door of the large shower open. Tom was looking at you, mouth agape. Your hand touched the necklace around your neck as you stepped in and closed the door behind you. 

"What?" You asked, and suddenly you were very aware of the white scars on your tanned skin. But when you looked up, you noticed his eyes were on your face. "I don't know what I did to deserve you." He mumbled, and you mumbled. "You're not...- you know?" You pointed vaguely at the scars on your legs, arms and belly. He quickly shook his head and stepped forward to take your left arm. He pressed soft kisses on it, and then repeated it with your other arm. Then he went down on his knees to kiss your legs, tracing your skin with his soft finger, caressing every spot. You bit back a moan when he kissed your inner thigh, and your fingers curled into his wet hair when he moved just a little higher. 

 

When he was face to face with you again, he was smiling. He pulled you into a lazy kiss. "I love you," he whispered against your lips, and your eyes flew open. "God, I- I didn't mean to say it now-" you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. "I love all of you. Scars, craziness, tears, fights, everything." He pulled you flush against him, and you were all too aware of his warmth against your own skin. "I'll clean you." He said, and he moved to grab the soap. 

 

When you came out of the bathroom, dressed in one of Tom's hoodies, you sighed contently. Tom was rummaging through his suitcase as you flopped on the bed, letting the hoodie creep up your stomach to reveal your lace underwear. When Tom lifted his head to look at you, he turned tomato-red at the sight of you. You were laying on the bed, above the covers, with only his hoodie and your underwear on. He bit his lip when his eyes followed the pattern of thick scars on your legs. 

Your eyes were closed, and your curls were everywhere, which made you look messy, but he loved it. He never expected to fall so hard for you - yes, he'd liked you for a while, but he hadn't expected to feel so good whenever he was with you. You two had only been together for two months, but it already felt like so long, and he intended on spending even more time with you. 

You looked like an angel, so peaceful, and he didn't want to wake you, but his phone buzzed as he got a message from his father that they were almost going to dinner. 

He also knew you were tired, if the bags under your eyes were any indication. You had stopped filming in November, but then there was this photoshoot that you had to do in Vietnam, and then one in Zimbabwe. It meant flying a lot, and jetlag’s. He went with you, of course, eager to spend more time with his girlfriend, but it was exhausting, and eventually, when Harrison called that they needed him back in London, he was relieved to go back, even though he felt guilty for letting you alone. But you weren't a child anymore, and you could spend a week without him. 

It still was shitty. The two of you would always be travelling, if you would continue your jobs. Tom knew he was going to continue doing it. He loved acting. But he was planning on toning it down just a bit, to spend time in London, and with you. 

 

"Wake up, princess." A soft voice said, and you groaned, opening your eyes. "It's dinner time." Tom whispered, and you sighed deeply, getting up slowly. "Just put some joggings on, and we'll get out of there as soon as possible, okay? Then you can get some sleep." He sounded worried. You waved it away. "No, the restaurant's pretty chic. Can't show up there with just joggings." You mumbled, and you looked into the closet to find your favourite dress. 

It was black, with lace sleeves and a skirt that reached your knees. You wore sneakers under it, making it a bit more casual, as Tom put on jeans and a white shirt that showed just enough of his arms when he crossed them over his chest. 

"You look handsome," you whispered, kissing him sweetly. He smiled. "You are very pretty too." He kissed you again, and you responded by playfully licking the seam of his lips. He gave you entrance quick enough, and your tongues danced together lazily. His hands cupped your tail, and you smiled, breaking away from him. "We don't want to be late." 

 

* * * 

 

You didn't know how you ended up in front of the toilet, with your finger down your throat, letting everything flow out again. You coughed and tried to ignore the sour smell that drifts around you. 

Your head was spinning when you got up, wiping your mouth with a paper and flushing it down the toilet. You picked up the deodorant and sprayed it around the room, trying to cover up the smell. 

"Y/N?" A knock on the door. "What's taking you so long? Are you feeling okay?" You didn't answer, trying to wash your hands and ignoring your bleeding knuckles. 

When you stepped out of the bathroom, Jackie checked your hand. Her mouth fell open when she saw your knuckles, and she hugged you tight. When she pulled back, you could see tears in her eyes. "Don't do this," she whispered, "don't fall back, please. And if you do, please find someone to talk to." You nodded solemnly, and you were surprised when she wiped a tear from your cheek. "And I'm going to tell Tom." Your brows furrowed and you were shaking your head quickly before you knew it, but she nodded. "I will. Someone needs to look after you, Y/N. Now come on, I'll fix your make-up." She pulled you back into the toilet. 

 

When you returned at the table, Jackie said you weren't feeling well as you sat down in between your father and Brandon. You felt Tom's eyes on you for the rest of the meal - which wasn't much anyways, just a few cups of coffee and dessert that you didn't eat. 

"Princess, are you feeling well?" Tom asked, stroking your cheek when everyone moved to go to the bar. You looked him in the eye and took a deep breath. It was time to tell him. So, you shook your head. "Do you want to go upstairs?" You nodded. "Alright." He turned around. "Y/N and I are going to our room. She's not feeling well." You noticed your parent's eyes on you, but you saw Jackie say something to them, and they nodded. 

 

"What's wrong?" Tom asked as soon as he closed the door behind him, but you didn't give yourself a chance to answer, pushing him against the door and locking your lips on his. He chuckled as you moved to take off his shirt. "Do you want to do this?" He then asked, and you nodded, zipping your dress open and letting it fall on the ground. His eyes scanned your body as his hands pulled you towards him. He started kissing you again, and you unbuckled his belt, letting his pants fall to the ground. Slowly, you walked towards the bed, still kissing him, letting your hands touch him everywhere. He returned the kind gesture, and pushed you on the soft cushion, climbing on top of you. "Are you sure?" He asked, again, and you nodded. "Yes. I love you." He smiled and touched your cheek. "I love you too." 

 

* * * 

 

"I had anorexia and bulimia," you told him softly as you laid attached to his side, your hand on his chest and making circles as he holds you. "I was depressed and suicidal. It was hard, getting through it, when my parents were almost never home. I guess I just felt unseen. Alec was in boarding school, so I spent most of my time alone or with my friends. What hurt the most was that I knew my friends wouldn't stay eventually. They all gave up on me when I didn't get better within a year. Well, all except one. Jackson didn't. She stayed with me. She encouraged me, helped me into therapy, and told me to never give up. It was so dark-" you hesitated, "all around me, there was no one, except her. I fell back, after acting school. There was this boy who told me I wasn't good enough for it, that it was just money and status that got me this far. I took an overdose." You took a shaky breath. "Jackie found me. She saved my life. After that, it slowly got better. I was still in therapy when we were filming _Civil War_. But meeting all of you made me happy again, and I started to like life again." She looked up at Tom, and when she noticed he was crying, she got up and wiped the tears away. "I thought Haz told you, actually." Tom shook his head. 

"Haz said that you went through a rough patch, 's all. He never wanted to say anything else." You sighed and pressed a kiss to his lips. "So... what were you doing so long away on the toilet?" You sighed deeply. "Vomiting." He didn't have to ask why. He only grabbed your wrists and pulled you close. "Don't do it again. And if you want to, call me, or Jackson, or Alec, or Haz, or anyone." You nodded. "Promise me, Y/N." He sounded very serious. You looked up and smiled. "I promise." Then you slipped out of his arms, pulled the thin blanket around you and grabbed your box of cigarettes from your bag, walking to the balcony. 

 

You blew out the smoke and sighed. "Do you like smoking?" You heard Tom ask, as he came up behind you, sneaking his arms around your waist and pressing a kiss on your shoulder, making you shiver. "I don't." You said, putting your cigarette out. "But it's the thing that keeps me from doing anything to harm myself." You turned around in his arms. "Jackie told me I need to stop doing it. I should." You smiled apologetically. "Chris Evans smokes too." He blurted out. You nodded. "It's okay if you do it if you really need it. As long as you don't start doing it every day." He kissed you softly, making you smile. "I won't." You promised, and you let him pull you back to the bedroom. 

 

* * * 

 

"Merry Christmas!" You yelled, leaning against Tom, smiling happily as everyone clinked glasses. Your hand found his, and your fingers laced together. "I love you," he murmured in your ear. You looked up at him. "I love you." You whispered, and he grinned. 

"This is your present." You put the photobook on the table and let the two families look at it. "It contains a lot of photos. Everyone has a spot." With Tom next to you, you opened the book, revealing a picture of you, Alec, Tom, Harry, Sam and Paddy on the front page. Everyone was laughing in the picture. 

The next page revealed a few pictures you and Tom had made on the sets of _Civil War_ and _Infinity War,_ everyone busy and laughing. There were many more pictures, you knew that, but you would let them see for themselves. 

You and Tom made your way to the domed roof, to take some time for yourselves and watch the slopes with the lights. 

"I love it here," you said as you sat down. "Me too," Tom admitted. You sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. 

"I have my present for you with me." Tom said, and you turned to look at him as he pulled out a small black book. When you opened it, you gasped. It contained every single picture of the two of you taken together. On the last page it said,  _'To Y/N, my Cinderella'._ "This is beautiful." You said, and you closed the book, embracing him warmly. 

When you pulled apart, you took a white box out of your bag and handed it to him. He pulled out a beautiful wrist-watch. "Look at the bottom." You whispered, and he did. 

_To more snowy days spent together_

"It's amazing, Y/N, thank you." He put his arms around you, and you smiled happily. "I'm glad you like it." You pressed a soft kiss in his neck, and he pulled his hand through your soft hair. Inwardly, you thanked God for giving you Jackie, who saved your life. If she hadn't, then you wouldn't have met Tom. And you were pretty sure you would regret that for the rest of your life.

 


	5. 0.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none

“The British actor who’ve had the pleasure of encountering a first time, the boy who plays Peter Parker in the brand new _Avengers: Endgame_ , and the British actress who landed the role of Iron Man’s daughter and Spider-Man’s love interest in _Spider-Man: Homecoming_ , and who plays the famous Black Rose in the last two Avenger movies, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Y/N Y/L/N and Tom Holland!”

There was a huge applause as you and Tom made your way up the stage. His hand was clasped in yours as you walked forward, and Graham shook his hand and clapped him on his back and guided him to the red couch, leaving you to stand in front of the man. He smiled happily and pulled you into a hug, kissing you on the cheek. You smiled at him, and then moved to sit next to Tom. He put his hand on your leg, and you heard a few whistles coming from the crowd, but you didn't let it bother you.

“So, the last time you were here, Tom, Y/N wasn’t there, and that’s a shame, I would’ve loved to see you here on the show right after the movie got out, so tell me, why couldn’t you be there?” Graham leaned forward in his chair as you laughed and pushed a strand of ear behind your ear.

“I remember, yeah, I remember watching it too, with my friends,” you said, smiling, “As you know, I am a model, and I work with a lot of different magazines. At the time of filming the show, I had an interview the next day, and I was exhausted, beyond exhausted, really, and well, I thought that if I’d go, I would die the next day, and that couldn’t happen because it was an important job for me, so yeah.” You chuckled. “It’s not that I didn’t want to go, I would have loved it, and I love it now, but I had to think about myself too.”

Graham nodded with a smile. “Yes, it is rather shameful. Now, last time we talked about a lot of things, started off with the schools and such, so I was just wondering, Y/N, what kind of school did you go to?” You smile, wider this time. “Not many people know this, because my parents kept Alec and me pretty away from everything, but I went to an old, private school in Scotland-“ “Yeah, we got a picture of it, too.” Graham said, and he turned to look at the small screen behind him, which showed a hill with a huge castle on it, “It looks a bit like Hogwarts, don’t you think?” He asked, turning back again, and everyone laughed.

“Well, it was a bit like Hogwarts. It was a mixed school, but the classes you were in only were with members of your own gender, so you pretty much stayed in the same circle. It was lovely, though, there was this village nearby where we could go in the weekends, and we had Christmas and summer holidays, and it was lots of fun.” You smiled, looking at Tom, who smiled back.

 

“Alright, and what can you say about your character without revealing too much about the movie plot?” Graham asked. “Alexis Stark is Tony Stark’s daughter,” you began, “her mother’s name is unknown, but she was a girl that Tony fell in love with, actually, when he was studying. He basically knocked her up, and she died giving birth, which left him to take care of her. In the first Avengers movie I was only mentioned by name, and a few pictures. In _Civil War_ , however, I do appear more times, at the time of the movie I’m a bit older than Peter Parker, and I go to his school under the alias of Ray Carter – I live with Sharon Carter, by the way, but I don’t play a massive role. In _Infinity War_ I try to help my dad a bit in the beginning, and I come with him to space, taking on my identity as Black Rose. I reveal my identity to Peter Parker, y’know, and shit ensues quickly after that. My character is, however, not in love with him, but Alexis does care about him a lot, so it’s quite a shock for her when he turns to dust in front of her. She gets stuck with Tony and Nebula, and they try to survive. I don’t appear that much in the movie, though, only at the last twenty minutes or so,”

“So who is Alexis’ love interest?” Graham asked. You chuckled. “I’m afraid I can’t say that. It’s going to be a surprise, though.” “Nobody’s expecting it,” Tom intervened, and you gave him a light smile.

 

“Can you give us a little background on Black Rose?”

“Yeah, of course I can!” You laughed, and you shifted on the couch.

“So, basically, Alexis is this girl who is enhanced, a mutant, some may call it, but she’s like, half-alien, her mother was not from earth, and so she inherits some of her mother’s powers and creates some of her own. She can fly, like Vision, she can use energy, sort of like what Scarlet Witch does, and she’s really, really strong. She’s also really smart, can solve almost any problem. When we pass by _Civil War_ , she graduates not long after that, and she becomes a vigilante. Tony is against that, but she doesn’t listen, we all know what teenagers are like, am I right?” The audience laughed.

“So, every time she kills someone, she leaves a black rose on their body, stuck in their wound. And that’s how she gets the name, Black Rose, because that’s what she becomes feared for. Alexis doesn’t really get much screen-time in the movies, but I can tell you that she, as the daughter of the famous Iron Man, has a hard life. She’s had to hide since she was small, she’s had to lie ever since she started going to school, and she works very hard by night. She doesn’t really have any daddy or mommy issues, she came to term with it all when she was young, but she does have issues with herself.”

“And Marvel doesn’t focus on that?” You looked at Peter for a second before responding. “Black Rose, or Alexis Stark, or Ray Carter, however you know her, she’s not that important. She doesn’t play a decisive role, like Captain America and Iron Man, she just plays this small background role. I think that’s not going to change, and I’m okay with that, because you don’t always need to really get into all that. Sometimes it’s better to just leave it be. Alright, I’m Alexis Stark, my father is famous, my mother is dead, I lie to everyone, and I kill people.” Everyone laughed.

 

“So, Tom, you and Alexis never team up in the movies, right?” “You’re fishing for information!” You accused, laughing. Tom chuckled, to then move his eyes back to Graham. “We don’t, actually. The scene where everyone tries to get that glove off Thanos’ hands, she helps Iron Man with it, and she stays by his side, basically. Peter tries to talk to her, but she gives him the cold shoulder.” You patted him on his back. “Poor Peter.” Graham laughed, and you nodded. “Alexis is not good at making friends.” You pointed out, and everyone laughed again.

 

“Alright, thanks to the guests for coming, thank you, Tom Holland!” Everyone cheered and clapped as Tom gave you a lopsided smile. “And a huge thanks to Y/N Y/L/N, and I really hope we’ll see you again!” More clapping and cheering, and you laughed, giving Tom a quick peck on the lips before the lights slowly went out and the camera’s stopped rolling.

 

* * * 

 

"You look like a queen, Y/N," the female reported told you, and you smiled widely, looking down at the beautiful blue gown you were wearing. It was off-shoulder, floor-length, with a flowing skirt made of layers of tulle and chiffon from the waist, and white flowers embedded on the top, and a few on the skirt. From the bands on your shoulders flowed a large strap of tulle, essentially forming a train, and covering parts of your arms. "I feel like one," you admitted, looking up to face the reporter. She smiled. "So, what was it like, filming _Captive State_?" "Oh," you smiled, "it was amazing. The only films I've been in are mostly the Marvel ones, and otherwise I got small roles in not so big movies, so being a part of a bigger plot in another movie with an entirely different cast was wonderful. I met so many new people, and I made a lot of new friends. Filming was exhausting, but it was fun too, and we had a lot of laughs." "Was it strange, having such a turn in plots?" "Yeah, in comparison to Marvel movies, it was so much different. But I liked it. I'm expanding my horizon, you know?" You smiled, and the reporter nodded. "Thank you." The camera stopped rolling, and you smiled wider. "Have a nice day." Then you turned around and walk on. 

 

The movie was a huge blast, but you couldn't help but turn a little red when the bed-scene between you and Ashton came on the screen. You heard a few whispers in the room, and you rolled your eyes, distracting yourself by thinking about Tom's smile. 

The two of you had called each other just before the premiere. He would be with you just in time for the premiere of Endgame, and then you'd have him for two months before the premiere in July for Spider-Man: Far From Home in Japan. You missed him a lot. 

It had been a month, as he was travelling around for several meet-and-greets and interviews, and it was hard being away from him after having him by your side for so long. 

But it was the way your lives were, from now on. You both had important jobs - you had taken on the offer of full-time modelling for Vogue - and he was doing the voice-over for Walter in _Spies in Disguise_ , and he was filming _Onward_ and  _The Voyage of Doctor Dolittle._ The other movie he starred in -  _Chaos Walking_ _-_ had had its premiere already, but there were more meet-and-greets planned for that one as well. Tom was busier than you were, but the two of you had made clear arrangements about it.

You would at least Face-Time once a week and call twice a week when one of you was gone, and you would take at least one month off to see each other each half year. You didn't know if it was going to be enough, but your parents had done it, and they were together for a long time, and they still loved each other. You figured that the distance couldn't destroy your relationship. You loved him, and he loved you. That was all you needed to know. 

 

* * * 

 

"You look good in it," Vera told you as you spun around in the fourth dress. It was a long yellow gown that reaches your ankles, with long lace sleeves. "It's too simple." Fyn said, and Jordan nodded in agreement. "It's not you, Y/N." Fyn said. "You always wear these beautiful extravagant dresses, so I don't think this is your style." "I pick all of her dresses!" Vera exclaimed, and Krista chuckled from her spot in the corner of the room. "And that's why I'm sure you can find another beautiful dress for our beautiful Y/N." Vera nodded, and pulled you with her to the changing room. 

"This is it." Vera said as you stood in front of the mirror. It was a soft pink colour, with off shoulder sleeves of transparent fabric and the top part was off-shoulder completely, the same colour as the sleeves. A little above your waist, the skirt erupted, in a deeper pink colour, and a transparent train. There were small flowers embedded on the dress, a few on the skirt and on the line that divided the skirt and the top, and a few on the tops and the bottoms of the sleeves. 

"It is." You agreed, admiring the sight. You looked like a fairy, straight out of a book. 

Jordan did your make-up with soft tones, salmon, soft pink and a few golden tints, while Fyn braided your curls in the African style and soaked the tips in hot water. 

"You look like a fairy." Krista said with a light smile as you twirled in front of her. "I do, don't I? I look perfect for the premiere." "Is your boyfriend coming to pick you up?" Alec asked, and you laughed. "I think so-" you were cut off as the bell rang, and the door opened. "Thank you," a distinct voice sounded, and you felt a smile creep up your face. 

When Tom entered the room with a bunch of flowers in his hands, you couldn't contain your excitement, and squealing, you ran up to him. He engulfed you in a warm hug, laughing. "Missed you," you breathed in his ear, pressing a few kisses in his neck. You pulled apart, and you let your eyes feast on him standing before you. He was dressed in a black tuxedo and looking handsome as ever. "Missed you too," he whispered in your ear. The two of you hadn't seen each other in two months but kept calling each other. It was different though, holding him. 

 

"Alright lovebirds, let's get this shit rolling." Krista said with a big grin. You nodded, and let Tom help you out of the car. The cameras were flashing, and people were yelling to get your attention. Tom put his hand on the small of your back and guided you into the building. 

"Red carpet, smile, be fashionable, make a statement, whatever." Krista said with a big smile as she walked next to you. You nodded. "Kisses can be shared." She winked, and then she left through another door as Tom and you made your way to the red carpet. 

 

You posed with Tom several times, smiling for the camera's, and you even built up the courage to give him a kiss, which was of course something caught by many cameras. He smiled cheekily as you slapped his cheek softly. "Now go pose with the other boys." He hopped off, and you turned to greet the women of the cast: Brie, Zoe, Scarlett, Elizabeth, Karen, Evangeline, Pom, Tilda, Michelle, Gwyneth and Letitia. 

The twelve of you stood in a straight line; you were standing in between Brie and Scarlett. Smiling widely, you eyed the crowd of camera's in front of you. 

 

"So, what's it like to be Y/N Y/L/N's boyfriend?" The reporter asked, and Tom laughed, his hand gripping your waist. "It's amazing," he said, looking at you, "she's amazing, honestly. I never thought I'd be with her, and it's still a bit surreal, after seven months," you smiled at him, "but it's amazing. That's all I can say, really." He looked at you. "I love being with her." "That's so sweet!" The reporter cooed, and the two of you shared a fond look. "So, what was it like, filming _Endgame_? Was it hard to not say anything?" The question was directed at you, and you chuckled. "My family is quite used to not being able to talk about it, so there were absolutely no questions asked. It wasn't that hard, no." "But am I correct to assume that, together with Benedict, you were the only other actress who got to read the entire script?" You laughed. "You are correct in assuming that, yes. Little Tom finds it hard to keep secrets like that, so I suppose it was for the better that we didn't see each other much during the filming." Tom smiled cheekily. "It's different, though, standing there, knowing that you already know everything about the movie, and you can't tell anyone about it. The only one I could talk to about it was Benedict, and we barely saw each other. So yeah, it wasn't much fun, but it wasn't too hard." 

 

The audience gasped as Alexis slowly took off her mask on the screen, revealing short brown locks and beautiful honey-brown eyes underneath. Loki turned around, his cape fluttering behind him, and a smile formed on his lips, before Alexis ran up to him and he spun her in his arms. "Oh my god." Someone said out loud, and there were more whispers as Alexis and the God of Mischief shared a passionate kiss on-screen. You looked at Tom, who was also looking at you. You smiled and leaned forward to give him a quick kiss. He smiled against your lips. "I love you," you whispered, and then you turned to watch the rest of the movie. "I love you too."

 

* * * 

 

Vera brushed something off the white blouse, and carefully helped your arms through the sleeves of the beautiful kimono, while Krista arranged your black skirt to fall wide around your body. You crossed your feet, in towering heels which made you a bit wobbly, and shook your straightened hair back. "You look awesome." Jordan said, finishing your look by creating a perfect wing with white eyeliner. "Perfect." Fyn mouthed, and he took out his phone, snapping a few pictures. You smiled. "You are definitely ready for this." Krista said, getting up from the floor and nodding. "I don't even play a character in the movie, I don't need to look perfect." You said, rolling your eyes. "Y/N, you're the daughter of a famous actor who starred in the most famous movies in Hollywood, and a famous model who used to be a Victoria Secret angel." Vera remarked, and you scoffed. "Doesn't mean I need to look like a fairy 24/7." "It means that you need to look good every single second." Fyn said, and you sighed, looking down at the ground. 

 

"W-wow." Tom stuttered, taking your hand and letting his eyes trail on your form. You rolled your eyes. "I don't look  _that_ good." "You do look  _that_ good." Zendaya said with a big grin, and you narrowed your eyes looking at her. She was wearing a gorgeous red dress, no doubt designed by someone good, and she looked radiant. "You look very good, too." You said, and she laughed. "Alright, we both look very good. Come on, I'm stealing you from Tom. We're going to steal all the attention." You laughed as she hooked her arm through yours and pulled you towards the red carpet. 

 

"That was amazing!" You yelled, and you turned to kiss Tom deeply. He groaned as his hands grabbed your waist. "I want to take you home," he whispered in your ear, and you immediately pushed him away. Smirking, you told him no. "There is an afterparty we need to go to, after all." He pouted, and you stroked his cheek. "Don't pout. You look too adorable." 

Laughing, you narrowly avoided his arm reaching for you, and fell into step with Zendaya, who immediately started chattering about Italy and the filming, glad she could finally share it with someone. 

 

* * * 

 

"I'm beat." You sighed, flopping on the couch. 

"There is a bed," Tom said, already taking off his clothes and you slowly got up, yawning. "I'm going to get my make-up off, first, though," you said, and you followed him to the bathroom. 

He turned on the shower as you took out your small bag with make-up remover, and slowly started removing it all. Afterwards, you rinsed your face and dried it carefully, putting on some face-cream. 

Tom stepped out of the shower, dripping wet, and you handed him a towel. "Just a few more to go," he said, stretching, and you nodded, turning around to look at him. "We have to be on the plane by four in the morning," you said, and you looked at your watch. "We can get a few hours of sleep." 

Tom yawned, and you studied his small eyes. "You're tired. Come on, let's get to bed." He nodded, and let you guide him to the bedroom. 

You put the blanket around him and kissed his face. He closed his eyes and shifted in the bed. "Don't you need to sleep?" He asked, voice hoarse. You smiled. "I'm going to pack our stuff first. It's not much, so I'll be in bed soon. You should sleep, though, because you still have so many premieres to go to." He nodded and turned as you stepped back to fold all the clothes and put them in your suitcases. 

 

It was two in the morning when you stepped out of the bed, slowly sliding under Tom's arm. He groaned and opened his eyes. "Where you are going?" He asked, his voice slightly slurred. You kissed him. "Toilet. I'll wake you up in half an hour, alright?" He nodded and his eyes fell close again. 

You sat on the bedside watching him sleep. His eyes were closed, and his curls were tousled, but he looked so peaceful that you didn't want to wake him up at all. He was exhausted, you knew that. Constant filming, and then being away and needing to be there for his fans; you couldn't even fathom what he went through sometimes. You had made certain wishes with Marvel, and that was that you wouldn't have to be everywhere, you could choose if you wanted to go - it made it possible for you to have time for modelling and family. But Tom didn't have that option, and if he had, he wouldn't choose it. He loved this. He loved all of it, even the sleepless night and the exhaustion and the tears. You admired that. 

"I would give it up for you," he had said a few weeks before, "if you ask, I will." You had been tempted for a second, but you recovered quickly, and told him that this was his life, and that you could never take that away from him. And maybe someday you could settle down in some way, but there was plenty of time for that. And now, you just wanted to live - with him, preferably. 

 

Tom studied your face as soon as you were sitting in the car, dressed in a simple red dress which he thought looked lovely on you. You looked better than you did in December. You looked happier, more alive. He knew it was hard for you, that he had to be away so much. And he had been very honest with you before. He really could give it up for you. But you loved him too much to do that to him, and so you didn't say anything. 

His hand sought yours. You shot him a smile. 

It was going to be hard. In the United States, it would be the last premiere you would attend with him. Then, you would travel to Los Angeles, and you would have a few modelling gigs, with Jackson as your assistent. You were going to stay with your father, at least for two years, and you said that you would take a break on the acting, while Tom was going to start filming for _Onward_ and _The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle_ \- so he had to be available every day. It meant that you weren't going to see each other for a while. 

When he helped you out of the car, and the cameras started flashing, he noticed your smile. "Are you okay?" You asked, and he nodded. You kissed him softly, and his hands roamed your body. "I love you," you whispered, letting go of him. He smiled. "Let's get this started. Come on." You tugged on his hand, and he laughed, letting you pull him with you. 

 

* * * 

 

_Two years later...._

 

"Black Rose is going to get her own series!!" 

"What?!" 

"You, Y/N Y/L/N, are getting your own spin-off series!" 

"That's amazing!! I have to call Harrison!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, I literally made everything about Endgame up. I don't know what's going to happen, I don't even know if Loki appears in the end of the movie. I also don't know anything about the other movies mentioned, so anything that I wrote in it about those movies, I made up. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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